The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
my being single is dangerous.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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