i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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