ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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