We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
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He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I am mentally ready for anal.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize