Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
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There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
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The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize