I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
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