Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
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My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
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Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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