So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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