last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
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I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize