that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
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what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
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You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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