They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
there is glitter all over my balls
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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