if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize