An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
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