Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize