Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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