you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize