It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
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I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
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I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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