final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
