I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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