You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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