I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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