Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
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