please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize