so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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