Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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