The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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