So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize