um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize