Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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