I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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