3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
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I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
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Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
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