maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Did we literally take a cab across the street
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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