i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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