Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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