You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
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I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
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I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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