we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
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Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
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Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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