i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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