She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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