someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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