Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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