Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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