i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
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Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
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Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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