We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Panties = found
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize