it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
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YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
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And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
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