tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize