Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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