They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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