Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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