I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
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