Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize