he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
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He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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