evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Four minutes until I can fart!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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